WHAT IS THIS LIFE?! Is an exclamation that has been repeating itself on loop in my head for the past 72 hours. I've recently started a gig on the Broadway. Most likely, a short-term gig, but a gig that I am extremely grateful for nonetheless. Hence the exclamation. Like seriously? I get to spend my days in a Broadway theatre until this original musical opens? I get to assist the writer of this show (who is devastatingly charming, talented, and humble)?! WHO AM I? Nobody. Yet.
See, I chose to leave my steady theatre job of three years in order to pursue the Broadway gigging circuit, because yes, the gigging circuit is actually a thing. Basically, you try to hop from one show to the next, and pray you make enough money to sustain the most basic artist life. You're taking a major risk with your job security every single day, and let's face it, you're probably also signing up for a Marketplace (health) insurance plan, which is NO PICNIC. Still, it's worth it. It's worth it , because this thrill, this high stakes environment that Broadway simply is, is what I love and what I need. It's where I've always wanted to be. It is a spectacular kind of magic that I've only ever dreamed of being apart of, and now, I am a (very, very) small part of it. I'm ecstatic. Jazz hands and pizza for everyone!
Like I've referenced in my previous blog articles, I want to be a writer, and in order to be one at this point in my life, I feel that some random leaps of faith are necessary. That doesn't mean I haven't been waking up every morning mid-panic attack (duh I have bills), but I'm also proud. Proud to say that I am opening myself up to the universe that is 42nd street to see what it truly has to offer. I'm ready to know nothing, and learn everything.
I really do feel like Kimmy Schmidt right now. I mean I have been singing, "Unbreakable/It's a miracle!" to myself every time I walk through the stage door. Granted, I was never a mole woman, but my previous job was technically in a basement and I never had a window. Also, everything is currently a revelation to me. Like Broadway shows have softball teams? Like hello, that is fabulous, what? Plus everyone is so nice, and casual - like hey, it's Broadway, no big deal - EXCEPT IT IS A BIG DEAL. Clearly, the jury's still out on how I will fare in this environment.
Maybe I fall flat on my ass, and end up working at Lenny's in two months, assembling turkey sandwiches for stock brokers? Maybe I hop to another show? Maybe I stay with this show? Maybe my own show gets picked up? Maybe I just stop saying "maybe" and see what happens? Yes, I think, for the first time in my exceedingly neurotic life, that's what I'll do. I'll just see what happens. I'll acknowledge that my professional life is currently only question marks. But hey, answers can be overrated.